Dear Boy,
Four months ago, I thought my life would end without you. My heart didn’t break when you told me (over text) that you were leaving, but it shattered when you told me why.
“God doesn’t want me to be with you.”
The sequential weeks after you left were the worst of my life. My mental and physical health failed, my parents separated, several deaths in the family, my (our) dog became very ill, my grades were failing, I needed surgery. I thought these were all signs of God telling me he hated me, just like you said He did. But I was wrong.
For two years, I loved you more than I loved myself. I continuously put you and your needs before my own. Relationships with my friends and family were ignored, neglected, because all that mattered was you and your happiness. And all you did in return was lie to me.
I will never understand why you would lie about supposed dreams together and alleged marriage proposals, but I want to thank you for your deceit.
See, I know now that ‘God’, or life – whichever you prefer, was testing me. All the pain and sadness thrown my way was a trial of my strength. I was forced to recognize years of self-neglect and realize my worth.
And I found I deserve so much more.
No, ‘deserve’ is not the word. I have earned more.
In my life without you, I have made closer friendships than I have ever experienced. My relationships with my mother is stronger than they have ever been. I have discovered skills I never thought possible. I look stronger, healthier, and more radiant every day. I’m going on real dates with men who treat me as their equal, and shower me in affection.
I am better, healthier, happier, since you decided to give up on us. And I owe all of my newfound happiness to you.
So I thank you, Boy, for your cowardice and dishonesty. Though you will always have a place in my heart, when I think of you, I will smile at all I have gained from your absence.
I wish you all the love and happiness in your new life,
♡ Abigail Reagan
