I have written before that in the past 6-ish months since my previous relationship, I have taken this time to focus on learning to love myself. Not only have I discovered my true self, but also this me-time is responsible for improving my mental and physical health, strengthening important relationships with family and friends, and determining my true goals and values in life.
With that in mind, I feel like I’m at a point where I can put myself out there again. After being exposed to some awkward and uncomfortable first-date situations, I can admit that I am very, very, out of practice on the do’s and don’ts of dating. For example, don’t talk about politics, anything happening in the news, the Holocaust (it happened).
It has been about three years since I participated in a “date”. Because honestly, when we settle into a relationship – going to dinner or an event doesn’t really feel like a ‘date’ anymore. In today’s society, dating consists of many, many social media apps or websites. Maybe you’re a Hinge, Tinder, or Bumble fan, maybe you shoot your shot by messaging them on Instagram, or maybe you prefer a face-to-face meeting. I’m still convinced my ‘New Year’s Eve – Troy Bolton – karaoke’ partner is waiting for me out there.
Now, having subjected myself to the match-making of some of my best friends, I am rediscovering how uncomfortable and difficult dating really is. The routine small talk, the nerves of trying to decide where to go, the uneasiness of “should I let him pick me up or should I meet him there?” Or if you’re me, “what if he takes me to the middle of the woods and murders me?” Overall the experience of preparing for a first date is never pleasant.
In preparation for each of my respective dates, I tried on just about every article of clothing I own, before deciding on the original outfit. I curled my hair, applied my makeup, I even shaved my legs regardless of the winter pants-wearing weather.
Despite being generally self-confident and having a vibrant personality, I found myself surprisingly shy and unsure of myself. My best friend, Hannah, can attest to the nature of my character coming off quite strong, entertaining and lovable, but maybe a little aggressive at first. So how can I be my most genuine self without scaring off potential connections?
While I continue to learn how to best present my true personality without compromising my ‘take-me-as-I-am’ mentally, I’m still prioritizing my beliefs and values when considering a new relationship. Because really, why would I want to waste my time again with someone who only likes parts of who I am?
So, if you’re reading this and we spent time together recently, gentlemen, thank you for being my guinea pigs as I relearn how to open myself up for potential love. To everyone else: if you’re recently or not so recently single and ready to get yourself out there again, feel free to contact me with your experiences and advise!
♡ Abigail Reagan
